Entry: My Doom is Near at Hand Sep 2, 2005



till the end... by Marco Paal

Bad Tidings when the apocalypse comes knocking upon my door. My situation here as become a peculiar one. And I hate it here as I hate the world. This world of man, metal and machine. My thoughts turn to my destiny and I fear that my Doom is near at hand. I try to focus on the living force but I have lost my ability to control this world. My heart turns to the sea, my two shots of heroin, and the end of all things. And I do not grieve for that is the way of the Cherry Blossom. “Do not grieve for those who transform into the force” (Yoda). But the shadow of greed hangs over me. I know that I should accept each moment as it comes but I long for better times. Gone are the light of my gentle eyes. Though my heart is still pure my eyes are filled with darkness and despair. And the mortals scatter when they see the fire of wrath burning before them. My poor yellow eyes. And constantly the darkside whispers to me to fulfill my own destruction and bring ruin upon my family. I stepped down the dark path too long ago and forever it has been a pain in the dark places of my heart. But I will do my best to maintain my faith in a God who has forsaken me for a time to walk this land. But the end cannot come too quickly. I look at all the happy people and I wonder what it must be like to leave a life that is free of sorrow. For the only happiness that I have ever known was opiate induced. I would like to say that I was happy when I was in love. But love is always followed by the deepest of pain. Oh how do I rue the day I came to this wayward place. Hope was flashed before my eyes before it was vanguished. But I should have known better. Hope has forsaken these lands. God doesn't visit here anymore. And I do not blame him for I long ever to escape the hell of this barren wasteland. The Dark music plays as I hurriedly change my plans. Soon I will seek sanctuary and a place to hide. And I dream of someday having a home. But that is not my fate. I have too many enemies and I will be pursued unto the end of my days. But now I must rest and focus what little good is left in me to weather the chaos that lies before me.


Photo Credit: Marco Paal

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